Critical Assessment

I go through these phases; where I'm particularly critical of my behavior and how my views and reactions to someone else's outlook, thoughts, behavior, slip up, whatever..........really catapults me towards being a real dick head.  I would absolve myself of this venomous behavior if I could just simply make the claim that everybody is stupid.  I'm fully aware that how you carry yourself, the mood you are in or your disposition can attract more bad shit than it repels.  I'm not blinded by a sense of indignation and pomposity to believe in my core that it is everyone but me.......I know that my intensity level is always a bit higher, can't help that…. it's the way I'm wired.  However, people as a whole do not make it easy to rise above it. ...........

To the fucking guy who...as you are backing your car out into the exit point of the office complex I occupy...a place, where everybody that  travels in and out of this place on a regular basis knows that you have to meekly  turtle your car in reverse slowly, and on particularly lucky day your business partners oversized Tonka Truck is blocking your view, so you really have to  ease your back end into oncoming traffic.....(in a place that has posted speed limit of 15mph and speed bumps every fucking 75 yards, but every 9 of 10 mother fuckers leaving the place treats those 75 yards like the green light at a race) , so you have to back out with caution even on a clear vision day.....but this day the White Elephant was blocking me out....so I eased back.......saw a car just hitting the previous bumps ....so I took my shot.........well this fuck head in a Blue Volvo Cross country must have hit 40 in order to rescind my attempt at a justifiable "back up and Go", that would have slowed his speedy departure of the grounds by about 5 seconds; instead, he goes for the “pull around me to pass”.  I took offense, so I over reached my back out, to where I was almost blocking two lanes.....what, at the time felt an appropriate reaction to his fuck nuggetry.  Well, he zooms past; giving me that “Who the fuck do you think you are” stare down and overly dramatic shaking of the head drama queen routine.   Then he has to lay on his breaks, like a clown dick, because of the jaw rocker speed bumps in this place.   Anyway, turns into two lanes quickly.....and I pull up alongside, almost wanting this Human Stain to do the "roll down your window" bit.  I eventually get up beside and the guy and he looks  like a real Harley, Hells Angels, bouncer sort of dude who went legit, and now runs an MMA Gym, when he's not taking testosterone, speed or some kind of anger pill.   However, at that moment, if it came to it...I felt so justified in the grievance against this dude; that I would have taken a beating for the principle of it..........fuck you for driving like an inconsiderate douche bag.

Why do I ridicule myself for the way I see the world.  That comes not from a place of justification for my behavior; but, a comprehension of my reality.

-Shallow Gullet